i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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