then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
