Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i came on her dog
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
