like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
