My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just pee around me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
