I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
