and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
