even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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