I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
