I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
