at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
