wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Randomize
