walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
