thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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