so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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