I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
