I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
