I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
