Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
