Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
