I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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