i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dignity is for republicans.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
