so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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