I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
