I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
