Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
