someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
