I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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