So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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