i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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