Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
