My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
