i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
then he tried to convert me to islam
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
