Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, beer. Big fan.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
