JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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