I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
