yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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