Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
