you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
