She is in my trunk
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
