My hand turned me down
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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