I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
