theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
