I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
