he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need water and some morals
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
