I got chris browned last night
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
