Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is the high leading the old right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
