i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
