i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
