bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she told me i tasted like america
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
