i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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