Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
